Complete Wellness Solution

Ring.

There goes the phone. It’s a work call.

Lucky for me I have my work phone set up on my mobile. The joys of VOIP technology.

I answer in my usual suave biz phone answering voice, making sure to drop my vocal projections the requisite 24 tones and 2 octaves*.

There’s a bright, cheery voice that responds, a faint accenting discernible as it caresses the contours of her words. She sounds so pleasant and happy. I have no doubt she made the call with a wan smile on her countenance, the kind that would stretch across not only her face but across the ether through WiFi and evoke the same response in my mirror neurons.

I could faintly see my face reflected back at me on my computer screen. I was smiling back at the caller. This was going to be a great conversation. I knew it.

She introduces herself. It was a biz to biz call. She was reaching out to help me help my clients by offering “complete wellness solutions” support for them, while also helping my business at the same time by allowing me to increase my offerings, revenues, and profits.

Unfortunately, with her introductory spiel, my mind shut off almost instantly and I missed the name of her company. I did catch that her company helps many businesses just like mine with helping their customers. Win-win. For her. For me. For my clients.

I tried to politely decline, and offered a gentle out, an unfettered egress with an eye to sustaining dignity. For her. For me. For humanity.

As with many sales calls, I assume she was searching for the 7 no’s. That was only one. So she soldiered on. She dangled the bit.

SHE DANGLED THE BIT.

How could I not take it? I couldn’t help myself. It’s like she knew the words to use. The triggers. The catalyst.

Detox.

Her complete wellness solution offered a detox that would help my clients improve their outcomes. I was drawn in. I needed to know more. I had to know more. Curiosity piqued.

“You said ‘detox’, correct?”

I couldn’t help it. I dangled the bit right back at her. She chomped like I knew she would. Par Referret.

“Yes, our complete wellness solution offers 7 and 14 day detoxes to detoxify the liver and colon from all the built up toxins.”

“Great, could you tell me exactly what toxins your detox removes?”

“So the cleanse is a 7 or 14 day detox that removes all of the toxins that have build up in the liver and colon…”

I interrupted before she could delineate the specifics of the cleanse: “No, I was asking specifically what toxins does your detox remove from the body?”

“Yes, it removes toxins from the body, it detoxifies the liver and the colon in just 7 or 14 days…”

“Ahhh, that’s not what I asked, I’m curious to know which toxins specifically the detox removes.”

“Yes, it removes all the toxins that have build up over time…”

“I hear what you’re saying but my question is what is the specific substance, the toxic substance, that your detox actually removes…Is it lead? Mercury? Heavy metals? What are the actual toxins?”

“Oh, yes, all of them. From your liver and your colon.”

“All of them? Do you have research that supports your statements?” I ask incredulously.

“Yes, we have a lot of science that proves our detox works. It cleanses the liver and colon. It’s scientifically proven.”

“Well, would you be able to send me this information so I can do my due diligence and research? And if I feel that this is an appropriate offering for my clients I will get in touch with you.”

The call is coming to its end.

I give her my email, and now I wait patiently for the research to land inside my inbox, (so close to inbox zero with only 3 at present: one bill payment reminder which will be removed once the bill is paid, one another business opportunity meeting request from a random on LinkedIn, and the last an email newsletter from James Clear, who is totally worth checking out).

We part ways.

And there on my computer screen remains my countenance, still reflected back at me in the same way it started. Broad smile, nay, grin. Pearly whites so pearly.

I hope, in the same way that she left me with such a joyous state, that I too conveyed, through the ether and WiFi, the same feelings to her, and that her wan smile remained fixed.

*I totally Googled this music theory stuff and I’m pretty sure I butchered it. If anyone wants to correct me, please do.

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash